Dead Hard To Hold Onto Tuesday, September 11, 2012 @ 11:29 AM

He awoke from his drunken stupor, dazed. His swollen eyes squinted in the dazzling sunlight, trying to readjust to this sudden brightness he was not accustomed to.

Why the hell is the window open?

It had been days since he last saw light. A light breeze caressed his cheeks, and he remembered her gentle touch upon his face. The smoothness of her skin, the warmth of her hand, the smell of her body; it was all too familiar.

This is too painful, but the sea of memories kept rushing up, threatening to drown him within. His choking desperation to relive his memories with Sofie engulfed him, and he could no longer fight back his urge.

To forget her would be even more painful.

His thoughts drifted back to her, yet again, and his eyes fluttered close.

She was so beautiful.

Her eyes shone with an allure he could not resist when they first met. Those hazel eyes, they had never once lost their charm. Until now.

He couldn’t shake off the image of her lifeless body. A pang of grief, betrayal and regret shot through him. They spoke of promises, love and eternity.

How could she leave just like that?

His vision became blurry as he stared back at the ceiling. A whirlwind of emotions encircled him. His head was spinning. Among the lost fragments of time, he had lost himself.

Her brown hair smelled of chamomile and honey, so sweet, so intoxicating. He could run his fingers through it and stroke her velvet soft hair endlessly, embracing her within his arms.

I need beer.

It was all too vivid, all too overwhelming for him to take.

“Colin.”

Her voice was resonating around him, one filled with so much life, love and laughter. He could almost feel her there.

I need her.

The realization that he would never see her smile or hear her voice again started to sink in. He clutched his chest, feeling the pulsations of his heart. If there were any doubts about heartaches being mere metaphors, they vaporized at this instance. It was gut-wrenching. It was excruciating. Stifling his cries, a helpless whimper escaped his lips. He could almost feel his sanity slipping through his fingers.

“Colin.”

His eyes shot open and he snapped out of his trance. It was all too real. For a fleeting moment, he thought he saw Sofie kneeling there, right beside him, hand outreached. He struggled up to look around him, but a wave of grogginess knocked him over, leaving a dull aching pain hammering at the back of his skull. He slumped back. There was no one. Clearing his thoughts, he laid on the cold hard ground, willing for his hangover to stay.

Is she really gone?

He closed his puffy red eyes, sealing them from the blinding shaft of light streaming from the window before him. He saw her face again.

I don't want to ever wake up. © Rachel M. Chay

Requiem To Sweet Dreams 11:22 AM

Your hand in mine as we walked through the night
No destination were we headed in our sight
Along the unending path of dim light

Warmth from your hand among the cold
You could guide me and I’ll follow
I promise I won't ever let go

Your smile I will never forget
Even if darkness and uncertainty beset
You know this I won't regret

We'll run away together.


© Rachel M. Chay

Dead Heart To Hold 11:20 AM

For Vanessa, the girl who loved me when I was a depressed kid, a distrusting teen and now a worn-out maniac. Thank you for staying by me and believing in me all these years. You are one of the bestest (if there is even such a word, yes, I know, no, grammar nazi) best friend I could ever have. Happy birthday.

Some parts of the story are taken away in consideration and protection of the writer and intended receiver's creative license. They do not affect the plot of the story, however.

The man got up. Reeking of alcohol, he staggered across the room, his withered hands reaching for the door.

I wish I could do something. And yet, my eyes were still transfixed on him.
I wish I could do something for him.

His ashen face was one I barely knew now. His eyes, deeply sunken in his face, speaks of a hollowness I couldn't recognize. Those blue eyes sparkled with a brilliance I could gaze at for hours, but now, they were clouded with sorrow too thick to dissolve. His pale skin and dishevelled hair were of a body that cried out for a mortal liberation of pain to me. He had so much life in him before. Gone were the days.

The man hesitated before the door. A look of sentimental longing crossed his eyes as he turned back, staring through me, his gaze lingering on my face. I wanted so badly to hold him.

He glanced at the portrait a moment too long. Crashing onto the floor, he turned away, his sobs echoing down the silent hallway.

If only I could help him.

A single flame of a candle glowed before the portrait, which read R.I.P. Sofia.

© Rachel M. Chay

A Place Where You Belong Saturday, August 25, 2012 @ 11:49 PM

You're gone
You're gone

Your body's cold
Hope is lost
I can't let go
Can I die with you so we can never grow old?
Cut the ties
With this note you left behind
As I read the words I hear you telling me why

Too late, too late
I never said goodbye
Too late, too late
Can't even ask you why
And now I'm wasting
Away in my own misery
I hope you're finally gone
To a place where you belong

My sadness shows
As your name is carved in stone
Can't erase the words so the reality grows
I wish I died (I wish I died)
On that night right by your side
So just kill me now and let the good times roll

Too late, too late
I never said goodbye
Too late, too late
Can't even ask you why
And now I'm wasting
Away in my own misery
I hope you're finally gone
To a place where you belong

Will you wait for me?
Will I see you on the other side?
You won't have to wait too long
(Yeah, yeah)
Will you come for me?
Will you take me to the other side?
'Cause here I don't belong

Too late, too late
I never said goodbye
Too late, too late
Can't even ask you why
And now I'm wasting
Away in my own misery
I hope you're finally gone
To a place where you belong

I never said goodbye
Can't even ask you why
I'm wasting
Away in my own misery
I hope you're finally gone
To a place where you belong

My Immortal 11:42 PM

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase


When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me


I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along


When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

Oh how wrong we were to think 10:34 PM

That immortality meant never dying.

1:27 PM

So Far Away 6:50 AM

Never feared for anything

I Won't See You Tonight Part 2 6:35 AM

Come back to me, this is unconceivable

Unholy Confessions 5:31 AM

"I'll try," she said as he walked away
"Try not to lose you."
Two vibrant hearts could change

Afterlife 5:23 AM

Like walking into a dream

Almost Easy Friday, August 24, 2012 @ 11:16 AM

(Mother)
Come back to me, it's almost easy
(Said it all)
Come back again, it's almost easy
(You'll learn your lesson)
Come back to me, it's almost easy
(But first you fall)
Come back again, it's almost easy

Now that I've lost you it kills me to say
(Hurts to say)
I've tried to hold on as you slowly slipped away
I'm losing the fight
I've treated you so wrong now let me make it right
(Make it alright)

(Mother)
Come back to me, it's almost easy
(Said it all)
Come back again, it's almost easy
(You learned your lesson)
Come back to me, it's almost easy
(But still you fall)
Come back again, it's almost easy

Victim 11:02 AM

House full of roses
A letter on the stairs
A tape full of messages for anyone who cares

Collage of broken words
And stories full of tears
Remembering your life
'Cause we wish that you were here

Nothing is harder
Than to wake up all alone
Realize it's not okay
It's the end of all you've known

Time keeps passing by
But it seems I'm frozen still
Scars are left behind
But some too deep to feel

And some say this can't be real
And I've lost my power to feel tonight
We're all just victims of a crime

When all is gone and can't be regained
We can't seem to shelter the pain inside
We're all just victims of a crime

Some days you'll find me
In a place I like to go
Ask questions to myself
'Bout the things I'll never know

What's left to find
'Cause I need a little more
I need a little time
Can we even up the score?

And some say this can't be real
And I've lost my power to feel tonight
We're all just victims of a crime

When all is gone and can't be regained
We can't seem to shelter the pain inside
We're all just victims of a crime

And nothing lasts forever
For all good things it's true
I'd rather trade it all
While somehow saving you

It must have been the season
That threw us out of line
Once I stood so tall
Now I'm searching for a sign

So don't need your salvation
With promises unkind
And all those speculations
Save it for another time

'Cause we all need a reason
A reason just to stay
And some just can't be bothered
To stick around another day

And some say this can't be real
And I've lost my power to feel tonight
We've all been victims of a crime

When all is gone and can't be regained
We can't seem to shelter the pain inside
We've all been victims of a crime
Victims of a crime
Living with this crime

I'm missing you
I'm missing you
I'm missing you
I'm missing you

Seize The Day 10:57 AM

Seize the day
Or die regretting the time you lost
It’s empty and cold without you here
Too many people to ache over

I see my vision burn
I feel my memories fade with time
But I’m too young to worry
These streets we travel on
Will undergo our same lost past

I found you here
Now please just stay for a while
I can move on with you around
I hand you my mortal life
But will it be forever?

I’d do anything for a smile
Holding you till our time is done
We both know the day will come
But I don’t want to leave you

I see my vision burn
I feel my memories fade with time
But I’m too young to worry
A melody, a memory
Or just one picture

Seize the day
Or die regretting the time you lost
It’s empty and cold without you here
Too many people to ache over

Newborn life replacing all of us
Changing this fable we live in
No longer needed here
So where do we go?

Will you take a journey tonight
Follow me past the walls of death?
But girl, what if
There is no eternal life?

I see my vision burn
I feel my memories fade with time
But I’m too young to worry
A melody, a memory
Or just one picture

Seize the day or die
Regretting the time you lost
It’s empty and cold without you here
Too many people to ache over

Trials in life, questions of us existing here
Don’t wanna die alone
Without you here
Please tell me what we have is real

So what if I never hold you, yeah
Or kiss your lips again?
So I never want to leave you
And the memories of us to see
I beg don’t leave me

Seize the day or die
Regretting the time you lost
It’s empty and cold without you here
Too many people to ache over

Trials in life, questions of us existing here
Don’t wanna die alone
Without you here, please tell me
What we have is real

Silence, you lost me
No chance for one more day
Silence, you lost me
No chance for one more day

(I’m stuck here alone)
Silence, you lost me
No chance for one more day
(Falling away from me, no chance to get back home)
Silence, you lost me
No chance for one more day

(I’m stuck here alone)
Silence, you lost me
No chance for one more day
(Falling away from me, no chance to get back home)
Silence, you lost me
No chance for one more day

Save Me 10:51 AM

Let's go!

(They all know, they all know)

Sorry, did I wake your dreams?
Some questions run too deep
We only, only wake up when we sleep
Led by the lunar light, trouble’s all we find
Lost our way tonight

Is it something we said?
Is it something we said to them?
Is it something we said?

(Save me) I’m trapped in a vile world
(Save me) Where the ending’s all the same as every other
We’re only here to die
(Save me) I’m losing my only dream
(Save me) I can use some guiding light, some place to go
If you hear me, let me know

(They all know, they all know)

Ever since the day you left my fate’s been set unknown
How many years to walk this path alone?
So much to see tonight, so why’d you close your eyes?
Why can’t I shut mine?

Is it something we did?
Is it something we did to them?
Is it something we did?

(Save me) I’m trapped in a vile world
(Save me) Where the ending’s all the same as every other
We’re only here to die
(Save me) I’m losing my only dream
(Save me) I can use some guiding light, some place to go
If you hear me, let me know
If you hear me, let me know

Help me find my way
‘Said help me find my way

No pulse inside of me
Stone cold lips and heresy
All lies and to a degree
Losing who I want to be

(You’ll find out right now)

He may be out of his mind, but someday you will find
The sanity left us all blind, and dragged us all behind
A moment seen through those eyes, crystal blue disguise
They say that all beauty must die, I say it just moves on

If you’d only open your mind, then someday you will find
Insanity left us behind, and walked right through the door
I can see the picture’s clear as yesterday, pictures all my own
I can hear the voices begging you to stay, but know you’re not alone

(Save me) I’m trapped in a vile world
(Save me) Where the ending’s all the same as every other
We’re only here to die
(Save me) I’m losing my only dream
(Save me) I can use some guiding light, some place to go
If you hear me, let me know
If you hear me, let me know

Tonight we all die young
Tonight we all die young
Tonight we all die young
Tonight we all die young
Tonight we all die young
Tonight we all die young
Tonight we all die

Tonight we all die young

Colin: I'm still here. Thursday, August 23, 2012 @ 10:12 AM

I can't let you go.

All songs taken from Tuesday, August 21, 2012 @ 7:47 AM

Album of City of Evil